Thursday, February 28, 2008Being a.. dare I say.. musician is not that simple. For me anyway.
It was extremely difficult for me yesterday when I went for my class. Coz my tutor was asking me to feel all these feelings that I don't really feel like feeling. Afraid that they will consume me and then... you know lahh.. :(
It wasn't a good day.
I just really wanted to.. just.. dazed out... blank out my mind or something. But I couldn't do that. Because I had to be or try to portray to be a bitch(which I didn't even come close to), confident(which I'm not really there yet, I'm more skewed towards the insecure side).
And there were soooo many other feelings that I'm suppose to feel when playing my music. So that you know.. the music won't come out like.. it's being played by a robot, or a machine. It has feelings, and you would feel what the musician was feeling... or something.
Luckily we were playing in the concert hall(woohooo which is an awesome awesome thing!!) And when I was playing that ultra sad song, I had tears in my eyes but my tutor couldn't see. So pheww... Aiyah but I'm suppose to FEEL the music what.. so I think that time when I played that song.. the song really did sound sad wtf.
One thing happened during lesson that I thought was funny. My tutor talks a lot. And he said it himself too. I was just asking him... pointing to a certain piece of music and asking him whether I should still do that. And then.. he went on a bigg and I mean BIG speech about do I really want to do this? What do I want to do with my life? Bla bla speech lah.. I'm sure you guys heard of that speech. It was very funny.. coz after that big speech he was looking at me.. waiting for me to say something.
Then I went, "Uhh... Mr. Bourque.. I was talking about the Arban Characteristic Studies piece, and whether I should still play that piece during the audition. I AM going for the audition, you don't need to worry about that...."
Then he was like, "Hahahhahahahaha.. you were talking about THAT!!! And I went on blabbing and blabbing! Why didn't you stop me?!"
I was like, "Uhhh..."
Ok.. the truth is.. I forgot what I said.. or maybe I didn't say anything at all.
And it was really funny when he asked me to be a bitch. Like a REAL BITCH. I tried. I really really REALLY tried. But he said I'm not there yet. I have to be more angry. As of now.. he said I'm not a wimp, I'm not a bitch, but I'm somewhere in between.... but skewed towards the wimp. :(
Can someone teach me how to be a bitch??
*big shiny eyes*
p.s. And here Stewie complains that I'm always very emotional! Doesn't he know that most musicians are crazy?! And I must say.. very very... emotional wtf. You can't blame me!! I'm a.. musician!! *laughs hysterically*
Oooh.. I wanna blow bubbles!!
p.s.s. Ok.. now you guys know what I mean being very very.. emotional and crazy?? I watched Dan In Real Life and I cried :( Am I sensitive or am I sensitive??
Excuse me everybody, I shall go and try to be a bitch, be happy, sad, angry, confident for the next 2 hours now.
Update: I forgot to say.. I'm also suppose to be drunk. Coz one of the pieces I'm playing is a story about a drunk guy.